I am making an English camp, and I have been really pushing for about 2 weeks to get students to join. Hardly any one has and it's been really frustrating, actually the whole process has been.
I've been planning this for well over 6 months, I brought the idea to the old kyoto and kocho, who told me to tell the new ones. I brought it to them, and was recomended to make it an "official" event. My supervisor was supposed to help me with the paper work, which means I had to muddle through the paper work by myself for HOURS trying to do it in Japanese, and then I handed it over to my supervisor who then corrected my Japanese mistakes and handed it back to me.
Well in the end my version was rejected and it was a SOLID MONTH of bugging my supervisor to write the GOD DAMN ONE PAGE paper for approval. So after having to ask my KYOTO THREE TIMES to tell my supervisor to do it, he finally directly told him.
It's OK though because I'm used to not getting any support from the teachers. I want to make a pen pal project OK I have to do that all by myself. Hell, I am even used to teachers making some things harder for me. So I want to push students to do ANOTHER speech contest knowing that last year NO TEACHER HELPED ME AT ALL. When I tell them at maximum two students, they ask SIX, I am now trying to help FIVE students not completely fail. But, that's ok, even when they make it harder for me, I can generally manage.
So then flash forward to two months ago, I had down basically no advertising but had decided now was the time to tell the kids about the camp. Of course hardly any one showed interest I wasn't that shocked, my school is not exactly a top academic school, in fact it's more sports oriented...well the students are at least.
Well it's not just the students, about a month ago I saw a student and while I'm not 100% sure she wants to be a flight attendant, she was requesting SOMETHING from one of the coaches, one of the strictest coaches and he was flat out refusing her. It made me really worried because my kyoto had told the coaches to let the students go to this camp. But, really whats to keep the coaches from not doing that, I mean there are tons of "rules" they have to follow but none of them really do.
Despite the fact I went to the trouble of FIGHTING to make this event official so I DIDNT have to go up to EVERY COACH AND BEG THEM TO LET THE KIDS COME. I sucked it up and two weeks ago I asked 10 coaches to let the kids comes, most of them said, "Sure, if they students ask I'll let them go" With the exception of the coaches who have tournaments. Well a lot of clubs have "practice games" but I was thinking those don't really count now do they.
So after this I really pushed forward and starting not only asking students directly but in the morning going to every class room and telling them directly to come and putting up posters and attaching the sign up sheets. Yesterday though, I ran into a girl who wants to be a flight attendant (not the one from above a different one) and I asked her why she won't come. She said she already asked but she got refused, BY A COACH I ALREADY ASKED!!!!!! Ugh, that is so painful, I'm trying so hard, but it's just so fail.
It in a way makes me feel better that no one wants to come but that the students are being refused, but what the hell is the point of this? Why am I trying so hard? It's just feels like this is all impossible, I'm fighting back a tidal wave with cardboard.
Someone told me to bring the girl to the teacher and bring my Kyoto and tell the teacher to as the teacher again. But, it just feels like the girl will look like that younger brother who ran to mommy after Tommy punched him. The teacher will probably be forced to let her go at this point, but I'm sure right after Kyoto and I are gone he'll make her club life shitty.
I want to get him and other teachers to let the kids go, but what can I do? Do I beg, what?! Even if I do won't it just make it harder for the kids, how many times do I have to ask, how many more hurdles do I have to jump through?!
It's just so hard, I'm crying at my desk, and I actually want someone to ask me why, but everyone is just ignoring me........
2008年7月10日木曜日
2008年6月25日水曜日
Fukuoka Pride
I was reading the news as I always do (and thus being very unproductive) and found this interesting article on the front page of Japan today.
It brings me back to when I was just about to depart for Fukuoka. I read an article in Newsweek about the new boom times. Fukuoka was one of them, it talked about how it was cosmopolitan and had the youngest metropolitan medium age in all of Japan. (Which is memory serves me right was 39 >.<) It assured me that though I did not really know where I was going, that it was sure to be a great place, and it has.
Attempting to look for this article again I came across another one from Asia week about Fukuoka being the best city in all of Asia.
It also won this award the next year. It swells me with a sense of pride to be living in such a nice place. Though hilariously, Honolulu the city I will be returning to actually ranks higher on the first list. Looking up most livable cities I find that Honolulu is actually the highest ranked city in the US on the reputable Mercer quality of living list, a full 5 ranks higher than the next highest city in Japan. Please note that Fukuoka is absent from this list.
However, seeing that failed to incense any sort of feelings, short of "I wonder why?". I say that but really I know it is a great place to live, but for someone my age living on a tiny island in the middle of the pacific has it distinct disadvantages. Living in Fukuoka, I had access to everything I could want, and for those times when I just got sick of the city or felt the need to see something else I could just jump in plane, or train, or even my car and it would be a very short ride to somewhere else. In Hawaii if you want to go ANYWHERE else, prepare for at least a 5 hour plane ride to next nearest land mass.
That is the serious disadvantage of Hawaii, knowing your stuck there. I'm not a big shopper so I was never that put off by the relative scarcity of shops that are considered ubiquitous in other US states, but that feeling of being stuck always bugged me. Also the lack of great public transportation is a bit of a natch. There was always the bus, but it was a fickle bitch that never ran on time and would not stop if the driver saw you chasing it down full speed.
Even with a car there were only so many places you could go and it puts people who live in Hawaii into this sense of futility. Why even bother going to the other side of the island, what is there that you can't find here. Generally it was true, to a point of course.
It is a great lifestyle, its laid back, it's low pressure, its in the sun, mild weather all the time, lots of green and blue, low crime, etc. If I was raising a family I could think of few places as nice as Hawaii, but as a 20 something year old who has lived her entire life thinking a 20 minute drive was out of the way, and my radius of living was stuck at an maximum hour out in any direction, god lord I was happy to be in Fukuoka.
But more than that, I don't think I could have enjoyed my time as much as I did if I lived in a truly big city. The fact, and the various articles point this out, that Fukuoka is this big metropolitan city yet feels like a small time burg, was amazing. I sometimes envy those who live right in the thick of it, within Fukuoka city. But, seeing the transpiration rolling off the green mountains that surround my city, and being able to hike up a mountain every month (note this is usually not by choice) really kept me grounded.
I hated New York, it was so much bustle, noise, and anger. I was on vacation but it seemed like there was always this tension in the air, it was palpable and for someone from Hawaii it tasted like a combination of rusting pennies soaked in bile. The short of it was I hated it.
The fact that I could choose to be in that bustle and yet with a short 10 minute train ride be out of it in the comfort of my town, my house was something I truly treasured. In a month half that will no longer be possible and I will be stuck back on my island.
Hawaii is truly a paradise and deserves it's high rank on all these various lists... but for me nothing beats Fukuoka, and to this day of all the places I have been able to travel I would always think "Oh, it's so much better in Fukuoka." I will truly miss this place when I am gone.
It brings me back to when I was just about to depart for Fukuoka. I read an article in Newsweek about the new boom times. Fukuoka was one of them, it talked about how it was cosmopolitan and had the youngest metropolitan medium age in all of Japan. (Which is memory serves me right was 39 >.<) It assured me that though I did not really know where I was going, that it was sure to be a great place, and it has.
Attempting to look for this article again I came across another one from Asia week about Fukuoka being the best city in all of Asia.
It also won this award the next year. It swells me with a sense of pride to be living in such a nice place. Though hilariously, Honolulu the city I will be returning to actually ranks higher on the first list. Looking up most livable cities I find that Honolulu is actually the highest ranked city in the US on the reputable Mercer quality of living list, a full 5 ranks higher than the next highest city in Japan. Please note that Fukuoka is absent from this list.
However, seeing that failed to incense any sort of feelings, short of "I wonder why?". I say that but really I know it is a great place to live, but for someone my age living on a tiny island in the middle of the pacific has it distinct disadvantages. Living in Fukuoka, I had access to everything I could want, and for those times when I just got sick of the city or felt the need to see something else I could just jump in plane, or train, or even my car and it would be a very short ride to somewhere else. In Hawaii if you want to go ANYWHERE else, prepare for at least a 5 hour plane ride to next nearest land mass.
That is the serious disadvantage of Hawaii, knowing your stuck there. I'm not a big shopper so I was never that put off by the relative scarcity of shops that are considered ubiquitous in other US states, but that feeling of being stuck always bugged me. Also the lack of great public transportation is a bit of a natch. There was always the bus, but it was a fickle bitch that never ran on time and would not stop if the driver saw you chasing it down full speed.
Even with a car there were only so many places you could go and it puts people who live in Hawaii into this sense of futility. Why even bother going to the other side of the island, what is there that you can't find here. Generally it was true, to a point of course.
It is a great lifestyle, its laid back, it's low pressure, its in the sun, mild weather all the time, lots of green and blue, low crime, etc. If I was raising a family I could think of few places as nice as Hawaii, but as a 20 something year old who has lived her entire life thinking a 20 minute drive was out of the way, and my radius of living was stuck at an maximum hour out in any direction, god lord I was happy to be in Fukuoka.
But more than that, I don't think I could have enjoyed my time as much as I did if I lived in a truly big city. The fact, and the various articles point this out, that Fukuoka is this big metropolitan city yet feels like a small time burg, was amazing. I sometimes envy those who live right in the thick of it, within Fukuoka city. But, seeing the transpiration rolling off the green mountains that surround my city, and being able to hike up a mountain every month (note this is usually not by choice) really kept me grounded.
I hated New York, it was so much bustle, noise, and anger. I was on vacation but it seemed like there was always this tension in the air, it was palpable and for someone from Hawaii it tasted like a combination of rusting pennies soaked in bile. The short of it was I hated it.
The fact that I could choose to be in that bustle and yet with a short 10 minute train ride be out of it in the comfort of my town, my house was something I truly treasured. In a month half that will no longer be possible and I will be stuck back on my island.
Hawaii is truly a paradise and deserves it's high rank on all these various lists... but for me nothing beats Fukuoka, and to this day of all the places I have been able to travel I would always think "Oh, it's so much better in Fukuoka." I will truly miss this place when I am gone.
2008年5月28日水曜日
Balance
I don't like to think of myself as an environmentalist, but I do like to think that I care whether or not I am damaging the Earth. There are cost and rewards in my mind, and I know a lot of people feel a bit smug about the fact they are sacrificing for the environment. At times I admit I do feel that smug feeling, but on the most part I feel bad because I am only willing to do so much.
Yesterday for about the first time ever I called in delivery. I have done this I think 4 times ever since I came to Japan and last night was actually the first time I have ever done it for myself. (I usually call in with friends)
Granted I drive a car which is horrible. I really do not need a car. I could fully bicycle to school, and since I have a car I use it to do things I could not have done if I did not have it. (Thus incurring more driving)
Some people criticize this about me, and sometimes it's not so open but I feel it's still rather obvious. However I am rather certain these same people call out to eat, and let me just say I am shocked by the waste!
For my one meal I got no less than 5 different pieces of packaging. They also gave me a menu which is silly since I went on their website to look up their menu and don't need it. Said menu was also laminated, making the process of throwing it out and burning more painful. Also thinking about the fact that someone had to ride a moped to my house, and then ride back just for one meal also just silly.
I normally walk to this place but last night I was rather sick and still a bit dizzy from some lingering sinus infection. I normally do not call take because I often try to consider how that incurs waste.
I am by no means that good at saving the environment. But I do try to really think about how I can save and on and that weight that against what I am willing to do with in reasons. For example actually saving my plastics and then walking to the local market and then dropping it off there, along with my milk cartons (or in my case drinkable yogurt) As, I have to walk there anyway to get food. Also trying my absolute best to never use or take plastic bags, even when I forget my eco-bag. Because, granted I look silly carrying 5 pieces of grocery in my hand to walk home but good god I do not want another stupid plastic bag in my house. I also restrict myself to 5 minute showers at the maximum, because really any more time and I am just wasting water. I also unplug every appliance when not in use, because it only takes a second or so and never turn on more than one light in my house, because who needs that much light anyhow?
I was amazed when someone stayed over my house. This person was someone who apparently cared about the environment, but he turned on 3 lights in my house, and actually had to ask why I kept on turning them off. I asked him why he needed 3 lights on to watch TV while he was surfing the internet. At which point I turned off the TV.
A lot of people like to nitpick that one obvious big environmental no-no and poo-poo others and yet, I find that they often feel good about themselves for their one saving grace and don't keep their eyes open for minor saving thats occur through out their lives.
I as a note turned on my A/C for the first time in 7 months.(It doesn't have a heat function anyhow..) In the winter months I have no source of warmth other than a sleeping bag, more clothes and an electric blanket. But, in all honesty I don't really mind the cold. While for some this is unthinkable suffering, for me not turning on or having an a/c in this Japan death summer is FAR WORSE.
Still I do realize that heating and cooling are the most wasteful and energy sapping things you can do, so I moved all my things into the one room that has the A/c and closed all the doors. I have my a/c set at 26, and while not even that cold it dries out the death humidity, and is cool enough if I walk around half naked.
So am I going to feel better when I drive today? A little actually, because I accept that for me personally not driving is just something that is not feasible for me. But, 5 minute showers, not using bags, and living in a very cold apartment was.
I am not going to judge you if you don't do those things I do, because for some people it is just simply unreasonable, even though for me personally I don't see how it's that much of a bother. So maybe I periodically buy some food stuff that had to be shipped from America, but then I don't buy clothing that was made in China then shipped to America and then reshipped to Japan because it's fashionable. Periodically eating yummy food I can't find in Japan is a priority, fashion is not. For those who find fashion a priority then so be it.
So if your doing everything in your power and you are truly sacrificing, that is GREAT. You should feel smug and awesome and you can totally judge EVERYONE for being wasteful and poo-poo me and just about everyone else. But till then, while you can suggest to me things please try not to judge or wag your finger at my waste while not looking at your own.
Yesterday for about the first time ever I called in delivery. I have done this I think 4 times ever since I came to Japan and last night was actually the first time I have ever done it for myself. (I usually call in with friends)
Granted I drive a car which is horrible. I really do not need a car. I could fully bicycle to school, and since I have a car I use it to do things I could not have done if I did not have it. (Thus incurring more driving)
Some people criticize this about me, and sometimes it's not so open but I feel it's still rather obvious. However I am rather certain these same people call out to eat, and let me just say I am shocked by the waste!
For my one meal I got no less than 5 different pieces of packaging. They also gave me a menu which is silly since I went on their website to look up their menu and don't need it. Said menu was also laminated, making the process of throwing it out and burning more painful. Also thinking about the fact that someone had to ride a moped to my house, and then ride back just for one meal also just silly.
I normally walk to this place but last night I was rather sick and still a bit dizzy from some lingering sinus infection. I normally do not call take because I often try to consider how that incurs waste.
I am by no means that good at saving the environment. But I do try to really think about how I can save and on and that weight that against what I am willing to do with in reasons. For example actually saving my plastics and then walking to the local market and then dropping it off there, along with my milk cartons (or in my case drinkable yogurt) As, I have to walk there anyway to get food. Also trying my absolute best to never use or take plastic bags, even when I forget my eco-bag. Because, granted I look silly carrying 5 pieces of grocery in my hand to walk home but good god I do not want another stupid plastic bag in my house. I also restrict myself to 5 minute showers at the maximum, because really any more time and I am just wasting water. I also unplug every appliance when not in use, because it only takes a second or so and never turn on more than one light in my house, because who needs that much light anyhow?
I was amazed when someone stayed over my house. This person was someone who apparently cared about the environment, but he turned on 3 lights in my house, and actually had to ask why I kept on turning them off. I asked him why he needed 3 lights on to watch TV while he was surfing the internet. At which point I turned off the TV.
A lot of people like to nitpick that one obvious big environmental no-no and poo-poo others and yet, I find that they often feel good about themselves for their one saving grace and don't keep their eyes open for minor saving thats occur through out their lives.
I as a note turned on my A/C for the first time in 7 months.(It doesn't have a heat function anyhow..) In the winter months I have no source of warmth other than a sleeping bag, more clothes and an electric blanket. But, in all honesty I don't really mind the cold. While for some this is unthinkable suffering, for me not turning on or having an a/c in this Japan death summer is FAR WORSE.
Still I do realize that heating and cooling are the most wasteful and energy sapping things you can do, so I moved all my things into the one room that has the A/c and closed all the doors. I have my a/c set at 26, and while not even that cold it dries out the death humidity, and is cool enough if I walk around half naked.
So am I going to feel better when I drive today? A little actually, because I accept that for me personally not driving is just something that is not feasible for me. But, 5 minute showers, not using bags, and living in a very cold apartment was.
I am not going to judge you if you don't do those things I do, because for some people it is just simply unreasonable, even though for me personally I don't see how it's that much of a bother. So maybe I periodically buy some food stuff that had to be shipped from America, but then I don't buy clothing that was made in China then shipped to America and then reshipped to Japan because it's fashionable. Periodically eating yummy food I can't find in Japan is a priority, fashion is not. For those who find fashion a priority then so be it.
So if your doing everything in your power and you are truly sacrificing, that is GREAT. You should feel smug and awesome and you can totally judge EVERYONE for being wasteful and poo-poo me and just about everyone else. But till then, while you can suggest to me things please try not to judge or wag your finger at my waste while not looking at your own.
2008年4月21日月曜日
TURN OFF YOUR ENGINES!
http://www.wikihow.com/Increase-Fuel-Mileage-on-a-Car
If you idle your car for more than 10 SECONDS, then it is MORE fuel efficient to turn off your car and restart it.
WTF, I swear someone told (in fact I know who) that starting up your car takes about 10 minutes worth of idling. And I believed it! UGH! I think this myth is one that many people believe, and in America I was always afraid someone would jump in my car and steal it if I ran off some where for a second, in Japan I've been idling. UGH!
Actually I've only managed to idle about 5 times, since I automatically without thinking turn off my engine, but last night I idled twice! That is infuriating, since I thought I was doing something that would help reduce my waste, but it only worsened it.
I suppose in the end I should have been biking and NOT been drying my clothes in a dryer since we had such good weather lately. But, bad timing over sleeping, etc. Not using the dryer, not driving are things that while wasteful sometimes are difficult to avoid, but turning off your engine when idling for more than 10 seconds is not, so everyone TURN OFF THOSE ENGINES!
I used to wonder about the buses that did that, but I assumed they had designed them to be more efficient at turning off and on, but no they just have the right idea.
This leads me to something else. I really need to fact check everything I hear, because I rarely forget things, even mis-information. Much like this stupid 10 minutes rule WTF person who told me this.
Anyhow, yesterday I heard a place name. I knew of the place simply because I heard it before, but I had no idea from where. I knew no one from the area... then it hit me a little bit later.
When I first came to Japan about 2 years ago, actually 21 months ago in August it was sports day practice and a P.E. teacher was talking to me and some students. She told me her old school was in Munekata and the two students had no idea where it was and she was shocked. It was something that was said off hand and I rarely talk to this teacher now, it is something that I would not be able to think of unless the situation was prompted, but hiding in my brain is a lot of insanely inane facts.
But only with-in the last three years, so if you want to tell me something insane, wait about three years and then I'll forget, because man after three years I think I mind wipe myself.
Facebook has recently been "finding" possible friends for me, and as I scan through them some of them look vaguely familiar, and since they graduated the same year as me, and from the same school from me I SHOULD know them, but I have no clue. So while I may be able to remember over 300 of my students names and whatever the hell else they told me (birthdays, pet names, who they like, favorite musician) after three years I probably won't be able to recognize their faces. I wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing... As it is right now, I'm pretty thankful for even the three year window. Forgetting things en mass has it's perks too, though these last two years have been so wonderful, I'd hate to forget those memories...
If you idle your car for more than 10 SECONDS, then it is MORE fuel efficient to turn off your car and restart it.
WTF, I swear someone told (in fact I know who) that starting up your car takes about 10 minutes worth of idling. And I believed it! UGH! I think this myth is one that many people believe, and in America I was always afraid someone would jump in my car and steal it if I ran off some where for a second, in Japan I've been idling. UGH!
Actually I've only managed to idle about 5 times, since I automatically without thinking turn off my engine, but last night I idled twice! That is infuriating, since I thought I was doing something that would help reduce my waste, but it only worsened it.
I suppose in the end I should have been biking and NOT been drying my clothes in a dryer since we had such good weather lately. But, bad timing over sleeping, etc. Not using the dryer, not driving are things that while wasteful sometimes are difficult to avoid, but turning off your engine when idling for more than 10 seconds is not, so everyone TURN OFF THOSE ENGINES!
I used to wonder about the buses that did that, but I assumed they had designed them to be more efficient at turning off and on, but no they just have the right idea.
This leads me to something else. I really need to fact check everything I hear, because I rarely forget things, even mis-information. Much like this stupid 10 minutes rule WTF person who told me this.
Anyhow, yesterday I heard a place name. I knew of the place simply because I heard it before, but I had no idea from where. I knew no one from the area... then it hit me a little bit later.
When I first came to Japan about 2 years ago, actually 21 months ago in August it was sports day practice and a P.E. teacher was talking to me and some students. She told me her old school was in Munekata and the two students had no idea where it was and she was shocked. It was something that was said off hand and I rarely talk to this teacher now, it is something that I would not be able to think of unless the situation was prompted, but hiding in my brain is a lot of insanely inane facts.
But only with-in the last three years, so if you want to tell me something insane, wait about three years and then I'll forget, because man after three years I think I mind wipe myself.
Facebook has recently been "finding" possible friends for me, and as I scan through them some of them look vaguely familiar, and since they graduated the same year as me, and from the same school from me I SHOULD know them, but I have no clue. So while I may be able to remember over 300 of my students names and whatever the hell else they told me (birthdays, pet names, who they like, favorite musician) after three years I probably won't be able to recognize their faces. I wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing... As it is right now, I'm pretty thankful for even the three year window. Forgetting things en mass has it's perks too, though these last two years have been so wonderful, I'd hate to forget those memories...
2008年4月16日水曜日
I am indeed crazy
So this week I have been having my first classes with my new students. I was surprised as the students were quite quiet. They were generally eager, and answered fairly well, but when I ask them to be quiet, they actually shut up. zOMG! They seemed to be a lot more reserved than last years new students, who were already rather loud. But that is a hard comparison since I had my first lessons with those students well after a month of them being in school, a long time for them to get used to one another.
Well I had a class today that was pretty bad, pretty bad even compared to last years classes. The students talked back (no one wanted to sit in the front, and the teacher asking them got responses of "I refuse") So after about 7 minutes of struggling with that, we kind of went on. But about half the boys and 5 girls didn't want to stop talking. So I insisted on them being quiet, and some boys got the hint and started to shout to one another to "shut up" Which I suppose was nice.
Three girls didn't want to listen. I started talking, and despite the fact they were in the first row, they just didn't want to stop. So I went up to them and asked them "Are you ready?" And they actually just ignored me and kept on talking. I BURST out laughing, the kind of crazy laughter that...I suppose is scary.
Well that got their attention! And they started laughing in suite. So I moved on, and they started talking AGAIN. So I made them my example and got them to say "yes". They were so confused, but at the very least they started paying attention...kind of.
Well there were some problems with the projector in the class room, and they got to talking once again. In the end, instead of taking 30 minutes to finish up the three simple things I wanted to do, it took 45 minutes a lot of screaming, skipping things and laughter. I practically lost my voice and the JTE I have to teach this class with was at her wits end. She said she was exhausted, and was shocked that the class was so noisy so early.
I told her I was used to it, and soon many classes would become like this, she looked afraid. As for me, I really enjoyed it.
To me what is most important is that students are not afraid to talk to me. Whether it be broken Japanese that has 2 English words, or a whole sentence of bizzaro English, as long as they are trying to get their ideas out of their head and communicated towards my direction I feel like we are moving forward.
These students were indeed loud, but they actually were asking me questions. (I say the word question lightly as the question was just one word, spoken with an upward inflection.) They were really honest right away, when I asked if they understood, they all screamed at me "NO!" (After you know translation help)
While that was certainly insane, it was raucous fun. I've come to realize that I don't think I'd be able to handle the quiet reserved attentiveness of "good" schools. Give me the loud, won't stop talking, insulting teachers (two boys told the JTE to "Shut up" multiple times), madness.
They tell me straight when their bored "imi wakknaisu~!", they tell me when they are enjoying themselves "BARI UKERU!" and they react. Granted this is just the first class and I didn't actually ask them to learn or do much of anything.
Well I did ask them to write their names in Romaji, and got 4 kids who wrote it in Kanji >.< I even told them in JAPANESE to write their "First name" and they managed to write their family name instead. So I did actually ask them to do something and they failed rather badly at it. 10 boys could not figure out to write the rules I wrote on the board on the paper I gave them, despite the fact I showed them exactly what to do... Maybe it was the constant talking, haha.
I am sure three classes down the line when I actually want them to work, I'll be ranting about how impossible it is to teach those monsters. But for now, let me enjoy the madness. Because it is true, the feeling of reward and accomplishment is not as great when it is not filled with struggle. I realize I will have to struggle with this class, and I am up for the challenge.
Last year I was despondent by my students lack of cooperation, but after close to two years of experience I am really starting to understand what it take to move these kids forward. So bring it on, I am not just willing for such a challenge I was hungry for it.
I lamented the fact that I just didn't feel the need to get to know these new kids. I am after all leaving in three and a half months. But students like these drive me, and I will be pushing them forward despite the fact they will almost certainly be pushing back.
kowakune~suyo! KOI~
Well I had a class today that was pretty bad, pretty bad even compared to last years classes. The students talked back (no one wanted to sit in the front, and the teacher asking them got responses of "I refuse") So after about 7 minutes of struggling with that, we kind of went on. But about half the boys and 5 girls didn't want to stop talking. So I insisted on them being quiet, and some boys got the hint and started to shout to one another to "shut up" Which I suppose was nice.
Three girls didn't want to listen. I started talking, and despite the fact they were in the first row, they just didn't want to stop. So I went up to them and asked them "Are you ready?" And they actually just ignored me and kept on talking. I BURST out laughing, the kind of crazy laughter that...I suppose is scary.
Well that got their attention! And they started laughing in suite. So I moved on, and they started talking AGAIN. So I made them my example and got them to say "yes". They were so confused, but at the very least they started paying attention...kind of.
Well there were some problems with the projector in the class room, and they got to talking once again. In the end, instead of taking 30 minutes to finish up the three simple things I wanted to do, it took 45 minutes a lot of screaming, skipping things and laughter. I practically lost my voice and the JTE I have to teach this class with was at her wits end. She said she was exhausted, and was shocked that the class was so noisy so early.
I told her I was used to it, and soon many classes would become like this, she looked afraid. As for me, I really enjoyed it.
To me what is most important is that students are not afraid to talk to me. Whether it be broken Japanese that has 2 English words, or a whole sentence of bizzaro English, as long as they are trying to get their ideas out of their head and communicated towards my direction I feel like we are moving forward.
These students were indeed loud, but they actually were asking me questions. (I say the word question lightly as the question was just one word, spoken with an upward inflection.) They were really honest right away, when I asked if they understood, they all screamed at me "NO!" (After you know translation help)
While that was certainly insane, it was raucous fun. I've come to realize that I don't think I'd be able to handle the quiet reserved attentiveness of "good" schools. Give me the loud, won't stop talking, insulting teachers (two boys told the JTE to "Shut up" multiple times), madness.
They tell me straight when their bored "imi wakknaisu~!", they tell me when they are enjoying themselves "BARI UKERU!" and they react. Granted this is just the first class and I didn't actually ask them to learn or do much of anything.
Well I did ask them to write their names in Romaji, and got 4 kids who wrote it in Kanji >.< I even told them in JAPANESE to write their "First name" and they managed to write their family name instead. So I did actually ask them to do something and they failed rather badly at it. 10 boys could not figure out to write the rules I wrote on the board on the paper I gave them, despite the fact I showed them exactly what to do... Maybe it was the constant talking, haha.
I am sure three classes down the line when I actually want them to work, I'll be ranting about how impossible it is to teach those monsters. But for now, let me enjoy the madness. Because it is true, the feeling of reward and accomplishment is not as great when it is not filled with struggle. I realize I will have to struggle with this class, and I am up for the challenge.
Last year I was despondent by my students lack of cooperation, but after close to two years of experience I am really starting to understand what it take to move these kids forward. So bring it on, I am not just willing for such a challenge I was hungry for it.
I lamented the fact that I just didn't feel the need to get to know these new kids. I am after all leaving in three and a half months. But students like these drive me, and I will be pushing them forward despite the fact they will almost certainly be pushing back.
kowakune~suyo! KOI~
2008年4月1日火曜日
Phew!
Well, I had been trying to write at least one blog per month but I have obviously been failing at that. And for good reason! My days of late have been a non-stop flurry of action.
Lately I have been taking just about every opportunity to travel. Whether in Japan or abroad, and my weekends have been taking a beating. Compound that with the fact I have started dance classes on Tuesday, coupled with practices on Monday and then Japanese class on Wednesday, then usually a Friday night where I am dashing off to some trip, I have barely time to catch my breath. Thursdays sound like a day off, but really thats the day I try my best to keep up with laundry and all those other house hold chores that a world wind traveler can't be bothered with.
My life sounds great, and I suppose it is. But after a back to back weeks of traveling and other endeavors I finally let myself sleep in, and I slept in for 15 hours... STRAIGHT! I love this go go life style, I feel in a way so lucky to have a job with a steady enough income to supplement such an enviable life style, but as it may be, I am perhaps just not cut out for it.
I love travel but the hectic pace I am going at is just wearing me out. I REALLY want to add guitar lessons into my agenda on Thursday but then my weeks will simple be booked full. Ah, well I only have 4 more months before I have to go back home. There life will be mundane and such exotic travel and time for lessons of any sort will be out of the question. In that respect I should be grateful for being just a bit zonked out every moment, but I suppose the grass IS always greener on the other side.
On another note, I have managed to finish my JET essay and turn it in. Typing that out made me realize how poor my writing, thinking, and just about everything having to do with academics have fallen. I am really starting to worry about graduate school, and I am rather pleased with my decision to take a semester off before going back to unclassified grads to wet my feet before I hopefully switch over my major.
I know delaying it will not make going back to school any easier, but at my current level I do not think one year would be enough to finish up my degree. Seeing as I really want to make the major switch, I think it is a good decision.
So maybe in the end I WILL have time to do what I want, at least a little bit more time to be a child before I truly grow up. For all the things JET has afforded me to do, it has given me the opportunity to delay reality. Which I am eternally grateful and feeling guilty for. It's been an amazing 2 year ride, and I can see why my students tell me they want to be ALT's too. Our life is sweet, and I am grateful.
And if you think my writing is a tad on the pretentious side, well, welcome to graduate school writing. Because in the end a bit of fluff goes a long way to getting a good grade. (If you think that doesn't fly well, try read a sociological work that is all substance and no style and you'll be snoring in no time)
P.S. I know I sounds busy busy but lo and behold I am here typing at a blog at work, and before that I was on face book. I am sure my academics would not have fallen so behind if I took those moments to study SOMETHING but alas, I am still a lazy bum.
Lately I have been taking just about every opportunity to travel. Whether in Japan or abroad, and my weekends have been taking a beating. Compound that with the fact I have started dance classes on Tuesday, coupled with practices on Monday and then Japanese class on Wednesday, then usually a Friday night where I am dashing off to some trip, I have barely time to catch my breath. Thursdays sound like a day off, but really thats the day I try my best to keep up with laundry and all those other house hold chores that a world wind traveler can't be bothered with.
My life sounds great, and I suppose it is. But after a back to back weeks of traveling and other endeavors I finally let myself sleep in, and I slept in for 15 hours... STRAIGHT! I love this go go life style, I feel in a way so lucky to have a job with a steady enough income to supplement such an enviable life style, but as it may be, I am perhaps just not cut out for it.
I love travel but the hectic pace I am going at is just wearing me out. I REALLY want to add guitar lessons into my agenda on Thursday but then my weeks will simple be booked full. Ah, well I only have 4 more months before I have to go back home. There life will be mundane and such exotic travel and time for lessons of any sort will be out of the question. In that respect I should be grateful for being just a bit zonked out every moment, but I suppose the grass IS always greener on the other side.
On another note, I have managed to finish my JET essay and turn it in. Typing that out made me realize how poor my writing, thinking, and just about everything having to do with academics have fallen. I am really starting to worry about graduate school, and I am rather pleased with my decision to take a semester off before going back to unclassified grads to wet my feet before I hopefully switch over my major.
I know delaying it will not make going back to school any easier, but at my current level I do not think one year would be enough to finish up my degree. Seeing as I really want to make the major switch, I think it is a good decision.
So maybe in the end I WILL have time to do what I want, at least a little bit more time to be a child before I truly grow up. For all the things JET has afforded me to do, it has given me the opportunity to delay reality. Which I am eternally grateful and feeling guilty for. It's been an amazing 2 year ride, and I can see why my students tell me they want to be ALT's too. Our life is sweet, and I am grateful.
And if you think my writing is a tad on the pretentious side, well, welcome to graduate school writing. Because in the end a bit of fluff goes a long way to getting a good grade. (If you think that doesn't fly well, try read a sociological work that is all substance and no style and you'll be snoring in no time)
P.S. I know I sounds busy busy but lo and behold I am here typing at a blog at work, and before that I was on face book. I am sure my academics would not have fallen so behind if I took those moments to study SOMETHING but alas, I am still a lazy bum.
2008年2月18日月曜日
ihfl 4jtoi4jojdmfrgl ABALRHG!!!!!!!!
Just another day in the life of a foreigner in Japan.
We have final test in my school this week. This pretty much means I have very little to do all week. Since I started my project (which is not going very well as a note) I did not make a T.T. section for their test.
Thus I have been sitting around doing very little. I of course try to busy myself, I look up news habitually, been reading up on the Hillary/Obama debate, etc.
Well since I have little to do and other teachers take long lunches today I decided to hear to the city office and register my new inkan. I had two inkans before but one is badly damaged and the other is somewhere in my house, most likely lost. So I made another one and set out to register it. (Required for such things as car buying, insurance getting, license renewal etc) But, my Japanese skills are generally high functioning, while its basically a bother to do such things, bureaucracy and paper work is simply a reality of life.
Granted it is a pain, things that take other Japanese people probably seconds takes me about 10 minutes of planning. After learning the hard way how shitty it is to be stuck in a situation not sure how to explain what you want done in Japanese while there are other people waiting in line behind you getting pretty angry, I know now to prepare to do things.
I've managed to cancel my inkan before, thanks to like a day of prep and psyching myself up. I of course am NOT a second generation Japanese person who has a breadth of many words used in everyday conversation (thus being able to perhaps talk around complicated words), my Japanese has mostly been learned off of songs and T.V. shows. Granted I could talk my way through a discussion about Japanese love songs, trying to communicate I would like to make a new register for my personal seal are two very different things.
I fill out all the forms, which I've gotten rather adept at. And turn it in and settle in for a 20 minute wait of whatever the hell they do in the back office. But after 5 minutes the man who helped me came up and called. Strange, Japan is efficient, but you can shuffle a paper between 10 people only so fast.
He told me the inkan I bought him was no good. I was shocked, seeing as last time I registered my inkan was a PAINFUL 2 month process in which they REFUSED to budge on me using my current inkan which was in Japanese characters, since Japan does not recognize foreigners with Japanese characters in their name. So after MONTHS of negotiating down writing my ENTIRE 18 character name on a inkan to the initials of my first, middle and last name, they finally let me get registered.
BUT apparently in the span of less than a year the rules have changed. The city I live in no longer recognizes seals that include on the initials of the first, last and middle name. I had 4 choices, either write my ENTIRE NAME, write my first two or last two names, or write my first initial and my last name in katakana. I of course pick the last option, but that means making ANOTHER inkan, right after I friggen made an inkan for the sole purpose of registering that was to the exact specifications they told me to make it 10 months ago! WTF!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!
Do they arbitrarily change these already arbitrary rules just to make us suffer!?!?!! So instead of taking half an hour of waiting, my trip to the City office took 45 minutes of painful negotiating in Japanese, all in Japanese. I understood everything the man told me, but before I left he asked me to write down that I was going to delay my registration. I of course can not write jack crap in Japanese despite being able to read about 1000 kanji. He was of course stunned asked who wrote my address, and I informed him I could at the very least write my own address. He was actually puzzled for a good minute how I could read all the instructions in kanji and speak to him for half an hour and yet not write 3 simple kanji. Well he should believe it, because despite the fact my Japanese is generally high functioning, I am not a Japanese person.
I was not raised in Japan, I was not raised speaking Japanese, and things like making a new inkan, going back and forth to my city office is not simple things for me. They are daily struggles that I have learned to deal with, and stupid random rule changes just make my life that much harder.
I used to feel bad leaving school earlier than all the other teachers (on time according to my contract but a full hour earlier than they are allowed to leave) so I used to stay late for no reason other than feeling bad, I used to feel bad taking long lunches even when I had nothing to do, so I would sit at my desk, but now days I do not. Because simple things that the Japanese do, like go to the stores and ask someone where the facial soap is (yes I sometimes forget the Japanese word for this) is not something I can do instantly, and somewhat inconvenient things for them, like changing over documents at the city office, become momentously horrible undertakings for me.
I used to also feel bad for getting paid more than Japanese people with equal or even more experience than me, I felt I was getting paid too much. But seriously, even I was stressed out, frazzled and completely fed up by this incident, and I can speak Japanese fairly well. I can only imagine how horrible this would be for another foreigner. This mental stress is not an occasional thing, I sometimes just feel like complete shit by the end of the day even when I have next to nothing to do. Meaning they better pay more than living wages to work a job that can be easy but in a world that is not.
So ugh, what was the point of this rant? Nothing really, just needing to blow off steam. Because sometimes we ALT's are just being spoiled brats who have just graduated from college and have no idea what it is like to truly work, and I do feel bad that I dedicate so much of my blog to daily rantings, but this incident was very exasperating. I am still shaking a bit knowing that after making ANOTHER (my fourth) inkan, I will then have to go back to the city office and deal with more bull crap. Before I have to go over to my local bank and tell them I have changed my inkan, then call up my insurance company informed the same thing, and I'm sure fill out even more papers and deal with even more crap.
Like I said these things are life anywhere in the world, I realize this, but with less the fluent language abilities and a feeling of not wanting to inconvenience the teachers around me (seriously I wonder if they'd help me anyhow)it's just painful stressful crappiness.
I also forgot to ask for the poster than tells me what to do with my garbage, even taking out my garbage sucks because the days they take it out have changed and maybe they informed me, and maybe I just threw that information away or didn't read it, or more likely it was buried in the mountains of Japanese papers I randomly get and often just throw it away because I could perhaps read it if I struggled with it for a while but often choose not to read it.
Ugh, so that was just another day in my life as a foreign English teacher in Japan.
We have final test in my school this week. This pretty much means I have very little to do all week. Since I started my project (which is not going very well as a note) I did not make a T.T. section for their test.
Thus I have been sitting around doing very little. I of course try to busy myself, I look up news habitually, been reading up on the Hillary/Obama debate, etc.
Well since I have little to do and other teachers take long lunches today I decided to hear to the city office and register my new inkan. I had two inkans before but one is badly damaged and the other is somewhere in my house, most likely lost. So I made another one and set out to register it. (Required for such things as car buying, insurance getting, license renewal etc) But, my Japanese skills are generally high functioning, while its basically a bother to do such things, bureaucracy and paper work is simply a reality of life.
Granted it is a pain, things that take other Japanese people probably seconds takes me about 10 minutes of planning. After learning the hard way how shitty it is to be stuck in a situation not sure how to explain what you want done in Japanese while there are other people waiting in line behind you getting pretty angry, I know now to prepare to do things.
I've managed to cancel my inkan before, thanks to like a day of prep and psyching myself up. I of course am NOT a second generation Japanese person who has a breadth of many words used in everyday conversation (thus being able to perhaps talk around complicated words), my Japanese has mostly been learned off of songs and T.V. shows. Granted I could talk my way through a discussion about Japanese love songs, trying to communicate I would like to make a new register for my personal seal are two very different things.
I fill out all the forms, which I've gotten rather adept at. And turn it in and settle in for a 20 minute wait of whatever the hell they do in the back office. But after 5 minutes the man who helped me came up and called. Strange, Japan is efficient, but you can shuffle a paper between 10 people only so fast.
He told me the inkan I bought him was no good. I was shocked, seeing as last time I registered my inkan was a PAINFUL 2 month process in which they REFUSED to budge on me using my current inkan which was in Japanese characters, since Japan does not recognize foreigners with Japanese characters in their name. So after MONTHS of negotiating down writing my ENTIRE 18 character name on a inkan to the initials of my first, middle and last name, they finally let me get registered.
BUT apparently in the span of less than a year the rules have changed. The city I live in no longer recognizes seals that include on the initials of the first, last and middle name. I had 4 choices, either write my ENTIRE NAME, write my first two or last two names, or write my first initial and my last name in katakana. I of course pick the last option, but that means making ANOTHER inkan, right after I friggen made an inkan for the sole purpose of registering that was to the exact specifications they told me to make it 10 months ago! WTF!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!
Do they arbitrarily change these already arbitrary rules just to make us suffer!?!?!! So instead of taking half an hour of waiting, my trip to the City office took 45 minutes of painful negotiating in Japanese, all in Japanese. I understood everything the man told me, but before I left he asked me to write down that I was going to delay my registration. I of course can not write jack crap in Japanese despite being able to read about 1000 kanji. He was of course stunned asked who wrote my address, and I informed him I could at the very least write my own address. He was actually puzzled for a good minute how I could read all the instructions in kanji and speak to him for half an hour and yet not write 3 simple kanji. Well he should believe it, because despite the fact my Japanese is generally high functioning, I am not a Japanese person.
I was not raised in Japan, I was not raised speaking Japanese, and things like making a new inkan, going back and forth to my city office is not simple things for me. They are daily struggles that I have learned to deal with, and stupid random rule changes just make my life that much harder.
I used to feel bad leaving school earlier than all the other teachers (on time according to my contract but a full hour earlier than they are allowed to leave) so I used to stay late for no reason other than feeling bad, I used to feel bad taking long lunches even when I had nothing to do, so I would sit at my desk, but now days I do not. Because simple things that the Japanese do, like go to the stores and ask someone where the facial soap is (yes I sometimes forget the Japanese word for this) is not something I can do instantly, and somewhat inconvenient things for them, like changing over documents at the city office, become momentously horrible undertakings for me.
I used to also feel bad for getting paid more than Japanese people with equal or even more experience than me, I felt I was getting paid too much. But seriously, even I was stressed out, frazzled and completely fed up by this incident, and I can speak Japanese fairly well. I can only imagine how horrible this would be for another foreigner. This mental stress is not an occasional thing, I sometimes just feel like complete shit by the end of the day even when I have next to nothing to do. Meaning they better pay more than living wages to work a job that can be easy but in a world that is not.
So ugh, what was the point of this rant? Nothing really, just needing to blow off steam. Because sometimes we ALT's are just being spoiled brats who have just graduated from college and have no idea what it is like to truly work, and I do feel bad that I dedicate so much of my blog to daily rantings, but this incident was very exasperating. I am still shaking a bit knowing that after making ANOTHER (my fourth) inkan, I will then have to go back to the city office and deal with more bull crap. Before I have to go over to my local bank and tell them I have changed my inkan, then call up my insurance company informed the same thing, and I'm sure fill out even more papers and deal with even more crap.
Like I said these things are life anywhere in the world, I realize this, but with less the fluent language abilities and a feeling of not wanting to inconvenience the teachers around me (seriously I wonder if they'd help me anyhow)it's just painful stressful crappiness.
I also forgot to ask for the poster than tells me what to do with my garbage, even taking out my garbage sucks because the days they take it out have changed and maybe they informed me, and maybe I just threw that information away or didn't read it, or more likely it was buried in the mountains of Japanese papers I randomly get and often just throw it away because I could perhaps read it if I struggled with it for a while but often choose not to read it.
Ugh, so that was just another day in my life as a foreign English teacher in Japan.
2008年2月4日月曜日
A large part of coming to Japan for me, was to become a fluent speaker of Japanese. But, I quickly realized it was not something that was going to come naturally. Perhaps if I spoke Japanese everyday in school, it would not be something so difficult, but I REFUSED for a very long time to speak ANY Japanese in school. So with my ... less than motivated students, we would STRUGGLE to get through the day of ALL English.
I've generally relented on the all English policy, but since I now use this broken awful Japanese with students, I am finding that my pronunciation (my stronger point!) and my grammar (something I was already shit at) is going out the window. It's becoming really bad, so I decided to do the one thing that I felt really helped improve my Japanese in the first place, song translations.
Even when my Japanese was only so-so, I would try to translate song's, shows, give summaries for things etc. But, every since I lost interest in a lot of Japanese related media, particular popular culture, I just stopped. That was about 4 years ago, but I decided about 2 weeks, that I really need to buckle down and improve.
Since I have signed my forms and everything to go home, I now have 6 months to get a lot better at Japanese. It's not going to happen overnight, even I realize this, so I just need to keep on trying. Since studying is still pretty fail for me (I managed to study 10 kanji's before completely pooping out) I am going to continue with my informal study, which I must say, brought me pretty damn far, considering I didn't really do much formal studying. =/
I think if I really want to get fluent I need to do formal studying, but first I just need to get back my groove.
So here is my first song translation in a really long time. It's by “lecca” a rather minor reggae/dancehall singer. I know I used to HATE reggae, but Japan has opened up this avenue of music enjoyment for me, so yay.
The song really makes me think about my life in Japan. I really love the line, 友達も皆進んでるし私だけこの場所一人. All my friends are moving on, but I am still here alone. Totally how I felt leaving Graduate school at the half way point to come to Japan, and then my decision to stay another year.
And the very end phrase. 二度も三度もつまづいたって 続ければ終わりじゃない. Even if you trip two or three times, if you keep on continuing it won't be over.
The lyrics are really good parallel for how I often feel in Japan. Especially those days when I just fail so bad, I really want to give up and go home.
I usually hate corny lyrics, especially lyrics that tell you how to live. I suppose some people may think that is inspirational, I see it as just listening to other people telling you what to do. I think it inflates stars to the status of gods, and these lyrics become their text that people blindly live by. Thus I generally dislike American music, and if this song was in English I'd probably not like it. BUT, in Japan I find that a lot of young people are truly direction less and these words are good for them. I admit this is a problem in the states as well, but I find that in Japan it's rather expected for you to just go with the flow, so lyrics telling you otherwise, telling you to find your own path, which is basically当たり前 in the west, becomes more powerful for me. And since I am not a native speaker of Japanese I don't mind if the lyrical composition is not a master piece. I can't really tell when they are being poetic or using allegories, those things actually just make my understanding of the songs go to zero, so I need rather straightforward lyrics. Also I find songs that are too froo froo, lyrics in the clouds BS awful... Hahaha I am such a critic. And this is how I explain away why I can find rather cheesy or corny lyrics in Japanese acceptable while it is just excruciating when it is in English. The end.
I've generally relented on the all English policy, but since I now use this broken awful Japanese with students, I am finding that my pronunciation (my stronger point!) and my grammar (something I was already shit at) is going out the window. It's becoming really bad, so I decided to do the one thing that I felt really helped improve my Japanese in the first place, song translations.
Even when my Japanese was only so-so, I would try to translate song's, shows, give summaries for things etc. But, every since I lost interest in a lot of Japanese related media, particular popular culture, I just stopped. That was about 4 years ago, but I decided about 2 weeks, that I really need to buckle down and improve.
Since I have signed my forms and everything to go home, I now have 6 months to get a lot better at Japanese. It's not going to happen overnight, even I realize this, so I just need to keep on trying. Since studying is still pretty fail for me (I managed to study 10 kanji's before completely pooping out) I am going to continue with my informal study, which I must say, brought me pretty damn far, considering I didn't really do much formal studying. =/
I think if I really want to get fluent I need to do formal studying, but first I just need to get back my groove.
So here is my first song translation in a really long time. It's by “lecca” a rather minor reggae/dancehall singer. I know I used to HATE reggae, but Japan has opened up this avenue of music enjoyment for me, so yay.
The song really makes me think about my life in Japan. I really love the line, 友達も皆進んでるし私だけこの場所一人. All my friends are moving on, but I am still here alone. Totally how I felt leaving Graduate school at the half way point to come to Japan, and then my decision to stay another year.
And the very end phrase. 二度も三度もつまづいたって 続ければ終わりじゃない. Even if you trip two or three times, if you keep on continuing it won't be over.
The lyrics are really good parallel for how I often feel in Japan. Especially those days when I just fail so bad, I really want to give up and go home.
I usually hate corny lyrics, especially lyrics that tell you how to live. I suppose some people may think that is inspirational, I see it as just listening to other people telling you what to do. I think it inflates stars to the status of gods, and these lyrics become their text that people blindly live by. Thus I generally dislike American music, and if this song was in English I'd probably not like it. BUT, in Japan I find that a lot of young people are truly direction less and these words are good for them. I admit this is a problem in the states as well, but I find that in Japan it's rather expected for you to just go with the flow, so lyrics telling you otherwise, telling you to find your own path, which is basically当たり前 in the west, becomes more powerful for me. And since I am not a native speaker of Japanese I don't mind if the lyrical composition is not a master piece. I can't really tell when they are being poetic or using allegories, those things actually just make my understanding of the songs go to zero, so I need rather straightforward lyrics. Also I find songs that are too froo froo, lyrics in the clouds BS awful... Hahaha I am such a critic. And this is how I explain away why I can find rather cheesy or corny lyrics in Japanese acceptable while it is just excruciating when it is in English. The end.
※君にはまだ見えてない あの空の向こうにひろがる Brand New World もう世界の全て知ったような顔して ひとり泣いてる 祈るより先に 飛び出して行けば目に飛び込んでくる Whole New World 持ち物はいらない 体ひとつで※ 誰にも言えない失敗の日 このへんでそろそろあきらめどき？ 友達もみんな進んでるし 私だけこの場所 ひとり 取り残されたような気がして 心はみるみる縮まって またつらいつらいって泣くより 全部失くしたほうがいいのかな でも振り返ってみると 私なりの毎日が 予想もしなかったトコに 私を連れてきてた それが思うほど 素晴らしいものじゃなくても なかったことになんてできない あの涙も △You don't know the future, and I don't know it either 誰もしらない だから不安があってゆずれない You don't know the future, and I don't know it either だからできること 思いつくかぎりするよ△ (※くり返し) □まだ答えは出てないから このまま走り続けて その想いを消せないなら 前を見て You gotta go on 遠くの空のほうに浮かぶ雲が流れる頃 スタートラインが きっと見えてくるよ□ まだ芽すら出てこない私の道 今は地下深くへ根を張るとき やるならいくらでも他の道あるのに、 ってママは嘆いてたりするけど 何より楽しくて夢中になれる これこそ生きる道 あぁやっぱりやっときゃよかった、て 後で悔やむことのないように いつか振り返ってみると わきめもふらぬあの日々が たどり着きたかったトコに 私を連れてきてた それが思ったより 楽しいばかりじゃなくても なかったことになんてしたくない あの毎日を (△くり返し)(※くり返し)(□くり返し) あきらめるより前に進め 怖くなんかないと声に出して 確かめるように一歩前へ 踏み出してみればいい 一度くらいつまづいたって そんなのよくある話だって 二度も三度もつまづいたって 続ければ終わりじゃない (□くり返し×2)(※くり返し) | ※Stretching out beyond that sky you cannot yet see is a Brand New World Making a face like you already know everything about the world, you cry alone Before you pray first try jumping in and the whole new world will come at your eyes. You don't need anything just your body The day you didn't tell anyone about your failure, maybe it's time to just quit that. All my friends are moving along, and only I am still here Feeling like I was left behind my heart clenches Instead of having another painful cry, maybe its better if I just throw everything away But when I look back, Living life my way I bought myself somewhere unexpected. So much that I think, even if it is not something wonderful, it's something I can't do without, even those tears. △ You don't know the future and I don't know it either No one knows, so let go of your fears You don't know the future and I don't know it either So think hard about what you can do (※repeat) □ I still don't have an answer so I'll keep on running As long as this desire doesn't disappear, I'll keep on looking forward. You gotta go on Towards the distant sky where the floating clouds pass by for sure you'll begin to see the start line On my road where the I have not yet sprouted, now is the time that I lay out my roots deep. But if you try there are so many other way, my mother sighs However, more than anything this way of living is can put me into a fun trance. “Ah, after all it's all been great!” Living so in the end there are no regrets Someday I'll look back at those day's I did not cast aside I'll have arrived at the place this road has taken me More than just something I thought, it's not all about the fun, those days are something I just don't want not to have. (△Repeat)(※Repeat)(□Repeat) Before you give up, move forward. Shout out “I'm not afraid!” Step forward with confidence, it's ok to move on. It's such a common story to trip up once. Even if you trip up two or three times, if you keep on going forward it won't be over. (□Repeat×2)(※Repeat) |
2008年1月7日月曜日
Austrlia is damn expensive/ I am a HOBO
This winter I had planned to go to Indonesia. There was no real compelling urge to go there, simply everyone else was going to other places at inconvenient times. Thus I set up to go with Yamato to Indonesia.
We basically made no plans other than buy the tickets. With about a week before we were set to leave we looked things up, Indonesia is currently extremely dangerous. Most embassy's could not insure our safety and recommended all non essential travel be canceled.
I was still willing to go, but Yamato felt unsafe and since most embassy's recommended we avoid all tourist places, we decided sitting in our hotel room half the time would not be fun.
So with just 3 dyads to spare we canceled our trip to Indonesia, taking a 3 man hit, then booked 10 man en tickets to Australia. We wanted some place warm and Australia is in the southern Hemisphere, thus experiencing summer currently. We thought we'd go to Melbourne which is on the south East, and slowly make our way up the coast.
Little did we know that Australia is about the size of the European continent. This should have been a no brainer seeing as Australia is a continent in itself. But no we were stupid, it is not a simple drive to Sydney from Melbourne its a maybe 2-4 day drive, and since we only had 2 weeks it was not going to happen. We had to catch a train, even then it would be an 11 hour train ride.
Sadly arriving in Australia we were hit with a sobering reality, it was FREEZING cold. Australia is currently in Summer time as it is in the souther hemisphere but Melbourne is on the southern most end of the country thus close to Antartica. It was about 10-15 degrees and we only had summer clothes. We had very little options and no hotel reservations and thus landed up in a hostel. We thought the hostel was a little expensive at 27 dollar but did not mind since we were freezing and tired.
Another sad note, is Melbourne while perhaps a nice city to live in, is merely that, a nice city to live in. If you were to visit you would find very little in terms of tourist attractions. I would not recommend this place, and was happy to leave after 3 days.
Another problem soon arose when we realized just about everything in Australia was expensive. We would go into shops and find that a can of soda (A CAN!) was about 2 dollars, a bottle 4.50. Basically expect to pay 10 dollars for a candy bar and a large bottle of coke. Insane. Finding a meal for less than 10 dollars mean eating at fast food.
We were running out of money quick, but we were already out of things to do in Melbourne. It would be over 100 dollars if we bought ahead of time, but if you hoped to catch a stand-by ticket we would have to come in the morning. To save money we slept in the train station, so we could get said 11 hour train ticket to Sydney. This was like a form of torture because while we could theoretically sleep there, we could not lay down. Did I also mention is was FREEZING COLD. I had pants on and I had a thin sweater and a thin jacket, but it was about 40 degrees F. I was SOOOO cold, more cold than in my shitty apartment, and I was tired and VERY SICK. The day before I left Japan I had a fever of 100 but thought I would have to be DYING to cancel on this trip.
After 6 hours of non sleep in a train station with hobos in the freezing cold we got the 11 hour train to Sydney. I slept for a good 8 hours of it. It was Christmas day and we ate a TV dinner that cost 9 dollars. It tasted bad but it was food in my stomach, and we were on our way to somewhere that was not ice cold, thus in away I was happy, but I feared for the rest of the trip.
Once we hit Sydney, we were amazed to find that almost ALL hostels were booked. Everyone comes to Australia in the December and New Years was expected to be worse. Another horrible thing was Hostels were twice as expensive in Sydney. We had to pay 37 dollars to share a room with 6 other people, there was one bath room per floor. Sydney was as expected expensive, everyday we ate fast food except one day we went to woolworths (still exists in Australia) and bought a chicken for 11 dollars and cheese and some crackers. We ate on the steps of city hall, with only plastic forks, no plates as we had no place to go.
The parks were nice and abundant but we often had to walk miles everyday to find a new hostel in the morning. We still wanted to get out and drive along the coast, but we were finding that not only were hostels all booked, so were rental cars. We finally got a car for a week after hitting many car companies that told us EVERY car on their lot was rented out. We could now sleep in the car once we got it, but still needed to find a place to stay for two more nights. Hostels right before New years were the most tight, but we managed to find one hostel near the beach for 40 dollars a day, we were now desperate. It was far from the city and the swells were so big that we could not swim.
It amazed me to see how many people just went on work vacation and lived in these hostels, partying every night, having one night stands and "looking for jobs". These hostels were jam packed with them. Many were from Europe and I suppose were used to the sticker shock, some of them even said Australia was cheaper than their country.
For us we could only manage about 2 meals a day. And I remember one day were I had a box of crackers for lunch and dinner and breakfast the next day.
Once we got the car we thought we had a bit more slack one money but were a bit wrong, even after changing out MORE money we realized we had about 50 dollars a day to eat, pay for gas and entertain ourselves. From here on out Mcdonalds became our home away from home. When not sleeping in our car, we'd be going to the bath room at Mcdonalds, than indulging in their 30 cent ice cream cones. (The only cheap thing) Even at Mcdonalds a small OJ (which is smaller than an American size kid's drink) was 2 dollars. One day we ate at Mcdonalds 3 times. I was at the time reading Fast Food nation, and the irony struck both me and Yamato. I had a 2 hour rant on how Mcdonalds is bad for our nation whilst eating at Mcdonalds.
Sleeping in the car meant finding a place to park and sleep, we parked on streets, truck stops, and wherever we could. It was hot and sticky in the car and I often had a hard time sleeping. The heat and light of the sun often woke us up at 7 in the morning. Showers were now far between because beaches have on the whole gotten rid of their showers. After 3 days of no shower, I was ready to go almost anywhere. I never felt so good after finding a shower at a beach, it was freezing cold and I had to wear a bikini while I showered, yet afterwards I had never felt so clean. I showered at the beach and used shampoo and soaped my body and did not care what people thought.
When I first started living this hobo lifestyle I was ashamed to walk into establishments to simply use the toilet, and wash my face in their bathrooms, and brush my teeth in their sinks. But on the beach in front of hundreds of strangers I had no shame in my cold beach shower.
We lived for a week in that car, driving to various beaches and national parks. We took 3 beach showers in that time, and ate at Mcdonalds more times than I care to remember.
One of my biggest fears in life was becoming a hobo. But for 2 weeks I basically had very little money and often times no place to sleep other than a car, and no where to shower but the beach. In those days, it was almost an adventure, and like all adventures it was a mix of fun, danger and most of all uncertainty. Still it taught me so much about myself and why I wanted to come to Japan in the first place.
I always lived comfortably, even though I was not a greedy child, nor one that was materialistic, I always had the means to buy what I needed and wanted. My family has the money to fly first class, stay in 4 star hotels, but I always felt I did not deserve such a lifestyle. I want to work for my money, and don't feel I deserve such treatment while other people get the short end of the stick. Though I did not go shopping for LV hand bags, I could not imagine myself sleeping in a car. In fact I joked with my best friend in High School that I rather die than become a hobo, but in reality it is not so bad.
This experience was very enriching and maybe I'll do it again, but for the most part I do not want to live in a car, showering at the beach.
As a note between all this hobo living I did actually manage to do a lot of tourist things. I got to see beautiful waterfalls, go on hikes, walk many new beaches, touch Koalas and Wallabies, compress a sheep and do lot's a neat things that were in fact fun. Granted I made a lot of this sound horrible, but in all it was a great holiday but not a great vacation.
I will never forgot how a Koala feels, nor will I forget the feel of not showering for 3 days and how refreshed and happy I felt finally showering in cold water at the beach. But most important for me was the self discovery I managed while doing these things.
At home I can always distract myself with internet, TV, books, music, and all the things around me. But when you have very little to do except sit in a park or have a discussion with the people around you, you really can reflect on what kind of person you are.
It may seem odd for a girl who moved to Japan to say she hates change but I do. While I do not mind change to my environment as I feel it is inevitable and something I cannot control or stop, I loathe changing myself. In fact I often welcome external change because I feel it can be the catalyst for improving myself, another reason why I came to Japan.
But simply changing the outside does not necessarily mean that change on the inside will surely follow. I have to activly reassess myself and my flaws and work hard towards correcting them.
I always have thought highly of myself, even though I know its bad. I knew I needed to change this aspect of myself for as long as I can remember but I often had difficulty mustering the will to do so.
I have high morals and opinions, and believe the world needs to become more fair. But I often do not live up to my own expectations. I want to help change things around me, and I often criticize others for being apathetic to the outside world, and I criticize others for not being more informed about the events surrounding our lives. While I criticize from this supposed moral high ground, I myself doing little to change the world around me, and while I feel I am generally informed I do not take in the suggestions or thoughts of others, but fully expect them to take my opinions into consideration.
Most important is what I realized about discussions. I do not do discussions, I do arguments. I do not want some softball "gathering" of idea's I want to spike my opinion's in to your face and get you to say uncle. I feel it brings out the best in me. It forces me to think on my feet and pool my information resources. But while I feel these arguments pull out the best in me, it also pulls out the worst.
I feel I am not that competitive. If I were to play basketball, volleyball or some board game and I were to lose I would not feel so bad. In fact I may not put much effort into the game at all. For me there is no reason to be competitive in those situations, they are things I am not good at and even putting in effort I am in no way guaranteed a win, so I feel killing myself and getting angry is just pointless.
But, when it comes to arguments I cannot simply roll over and die. I will fight bitter tooth and nail, and not give up. This stubbornness is horrible as arguments are about two people have differing opinions and each wishing to change the others minds using rational reasoning, facts and evidence. But when both people are so stubborn and fully believing they are right, they will not listen to reason, evidence or even to what the other is saying. I am not the only one who does this and thus felt justified in doing so, but when both people refuse to budge, no one moves forward.
Also when these things happen, and I feel the person is not budging no matter how much I push I cannot help but get angry. I also need to control my anger, whenever I am irritated tiny things push me over the edge, and no where is this more true than in the car. Yet, I need to drive so much, I cannot just spend all my time in this state of irritation. It is irrational and I hate that perhaps most of all.
Still calming myself down will not be easy. I in a way believe old dogs cannot learn new tricks, and even if they do it takes them a hell of a long time. But if I don't start now I wonder if I will ever change. Still trying to stop the rush of adrenaline and hormones that accompany anger may be a losing proposition, I suppose I'll just have to come up with ways to deal with them.
This year I really want to improve myself, not just superficially, like learning to play the guitar or learning more Kanji but trying to become a better person. The type of person I feel I could always become but always felt that it would be too much work to do so.
Once again, returning from a trip abroad all I can say is I love Japan, and I love Fukuoka.
So before signing off I'd like to thank Yamato for bringing me to a lot of these conclusions. When you think about things yourself without someone around you, it is easy to reason away your flaws, or perhaps when you have no one to compare yourself to you can delude yourself to believe that it is normal and ok. But when another person is there pointing them out, it is hard to ignore. Hope you didn't go too crazy spending so much time with me for two doom weeks.
Well there goes another long rambly post, if your still with me, I hope you too can have a wonderful new year. It's my last in Japan, and I hope to make the best of it.
We basically made no plans other than buy the tickets. With about a week before we were set to leave we looked things up, Indonesia is currently extremely dangerous. Most embassy's could not insure our safety and recommended all non essential travel be canceled.
I was still willing to go, but Yamato felt unsafe and since most embassy's recommended we avoid all tourist places, we decided sitting in our hotel room half the time would not be fun.
So with just 3 dyads to spare we canceled our trip to Indonesia, taking a 3 man hit, then booked 10 man en tickets to Australia. We wanted some place warm and Australia is in the southern Hemisphere, thus experiencing summer currently. We thought we'd go to Melbourne which is on the south East, and slowly make our way up the coast.
Little did we know that Australia is about the size of the European continent. This should have been a no brainer seeing as Australia is a continent in itself. But no we were stupid, it is not a simple drive to Sydney from Melbourne its a maybe 2-4 day drive, and since we only had 2 weeks it was not going to happen. We had to catch a train, even then it would be an 11 hour train ride.
Sadly arriving in Australia we were hit with a sobering reality, it was FREEZING cold. Australia is currently in Summer time as it is in the souther hemisphere but Melbourne is on the southern most end of the country thus close to Antartica. It was about 10-15 degrees and we only had summer clothes. We had very little options and no hotel reservations and thus landed up in a hostel. We thought the hostel was a little expensive at 27 dollar but did not mind since we were freezing and tired.
Another sad note, is Melbourne while perhaps a nice city to live in, is merely that, a nice city to live in. If you were to visit you would find very little in terms of tourist attractions. I would not recommend this place, and was happy to leave after 3 days.
Another problem soon arose when we realized just about everything in Australia was expensive. We would go into shops and find that a can of soda (A CAN!) was about 2 dollars, a bottle 4.50. Basically expect to pay 10 dollars for a candy bar and a large bottle of coke. Insane. Finding a meal for less than 10 dollars mean eating at fast food.
We were running out of money quick, but we were already out of things to do in Melbourne. It would be over 100 dollars if we bought ahead of time, but if you hoped to catch a stand-by ticket we would have to come in the morning. To save money we slept in the train station, so we could get said 11 hour train ticket to Sydney. This was like a form of torture because while we could theoretically sleep there, we could not lay down. Did I also mention is was FREEZING COLD. I had pants on and I had a thin sweater and a thin jacket, but it was about 40 degrees F. I was SOOOO cold, more cold than in my shitty apartment, and I was tired and VERY SICK. The day before I left Japan I had a fever of 100 but thought I would have to be DYING to cancel on this trip.
After 6 hours of non sleep in a train station with hobos in the freezing cold we got the 11 hour train to Sydney. I slept for a good 8 hours of it. It was Christmas day and we ate a TV dinner that cost 9 dollars. It tasted bad but it was food in my stomach, and we were on our way to somewhere that was not ice cold, thus in away I was happy, but I feared for the rest of the trip.
Once we hit Sydney, we were amazed to find that almost ALL hostels were booked. Everyone comes to Australia in the December and New Years was expected to be worse. Another horrible thing was Hostels were twice as expensive in Sydney. We had to pay 37 dollars to share a room with 6 other people, there was one bath room per floor. Sydney was as expected expensive, everyday we ate fast food except one day we went to woolworths (still exists in Australia) and bought a chicken for 11 dollars and cheese and some crackers. We ate on the steps of city hall, with only plastic forks, no plates as we had no place to go.
The parks were nice and abundant but we often had to walk miles everyday to find a new hostel in the morning. We still wanted to get out and drive along the coast, but we were finding that not only were hostels all booked, so were rental cars. We finally got a car for a week after hitting many car companies that told us EVERY car on their lot was rented out. We could now sleep in the car once we got it, but still needed to find a place to stay for two more nights. Hostels right before New years were the most tight, but we managed to find one hostel near the beach for 40 dollars a day, we were now desperate. It was far from the city and the swells were so big that we could not swim.
It amazed me to see how many people just went on work vacation and lived in these hostels, partying every night, having one night stands and "looking for jobs". These hostels were jam packed with them. Many were from Europe and I suppose were used to the sticker shock, some of them even said Australia was cheaper than their country.
For us we could only manage about 2 meals a day. And I remember one day were I had a box of crackers for lunch and dinner and breakfast the next day.
Once we got the car we thought we had a bit more slack one money but were a bit wrong, even after changing out MORE money we realized we had about 50 dollars a day to eat, pay for gas and entertain ourselves. From here on out Mcdonalds became our home away from home. When not sleeping in our car, we'd be going to the bath room at Mcdonalds, than indulging in their 30 cent ice cream cones. (The only cheap thing) Even at Mcdonalds a small OJ (which is smaller than an American size kid's drink) was 2 dollars. One day we ate at Mcdonalds 3 times. I was at the time reading Fast Food nation, and the irony struck both me and Yamato. I had a 2 hour rant on how Mcdonalds is bad for our nation whilst eating at Mcdonalds.
Sleeping in the car meant finding a place to park and sleep, we parked on streets, truck stops, and wherever we could. It was hot and sticky in the car and I often had a hard time sleeping. The heat and light of the sun often woke us up at 7 in the morning. Showers were now far between because beaches have on the whole gotten rid of their showers. After 3 days of no shower, I was ready to go almost anywhere. I never felt so good after finding a shower at a beach, it was freezing cold and I had to wear a bikini while I showered, yet afterwards I had never felt so clean. I showered at the beach and used shampoo and soaped my body and did not care what people thought.
When I first started living this hobo lifestyle I was ashamed to walk into establishments to simply use the toilet, and wash my face in their bathrooms, and brush my teeth in their sinks. But on the beach in front of hundreds of strangers I had no shame in my cold beach shower.
We lived for a week in that car, driving to various beaches and national parks. We took 3 beach showers in that time, and ate at Mcdonalds more times than I care to remember.
One of my biggest fears in life was becoming a hobo. But for 2 weeks I basically had very little money and often times no place to sleep other than a car, and no where to shower but the beach. In those days, it was almost an adventure, and like all adventures it was a mix of fun, danger and most of all uncertainty. Still it taught me so much about myself and why I wanted to come to Japan in the first place.
I always lived comfortably, even though I was not a greedy child, nor one that was materialistic, I always had the means to buy what I needed and wanted. My family has the money to fly first class, stay in 4 star hotels, but I always felt I did not deserve such a lifestyle. I want to work for my money, and don't feel I deserve such treatment while other people get the short end of the stick. Though I did not go shopping for LV hand bags, I could not imagine myself sleeping in a car. In fact I joked with my best friend in High School that I rather die than become a hobo, but in reality it is not so bad.
This experience was very enriching and maybe I'll do it again, but for the most part I do not want to live in a car, showering at the beach.
As a note between all this hobo living I did actually manage to do a lot of tourist things. I got to see beautiful waterfalls, go on hikes, walk many new beaches, touch Koalas and Wallabies, compress a sheep and do lot's a neat things that were in fact fun. Granted I made a lot of this sound horrible, but in all it was a great holiday but not a great vacation.
I will never forgot how a Koala feels, nor will I forget the feel of not showering for 3 days and how refreshed and happy I felt finally showering in cold water at the beach. But most important for me was the self discovery I managed while doing these things.
At home I can always distract myself with internet, TV, books, music, and all the things around me. But when you have very little to do except sit in a park or have a discussion with the people around you, you really can reflect on what kind of person you are.
It may seem odd for a girl who moved to Japan to say she hates change but I do. While I do not mind change to my environment as I feel it is inevitable and something I cannot control or stop, I loathe changing myself. In fact I often welcome external change because I feel it can be the catalyst for improving myself, another reason why I came to Japan.
But simply changing the outside does not necessarily mean that change on the inside will surely follow. I have to activly reassess myself and my flaws and work hard towards correcting them.
I always have thought highly of myself, even though I know its bad. I knew I needed to change this aspect of myself for as long as I can remember but I often had difficulty mustering the will to do so.
I have high morals and opinions, and believe the world needs to become more fair. But I often do not live up to my own expectations. I want to help change things around me, and I often criticize others for being apathetic to the outside world, and I criticize others for not being more informed about the events surrounding our lives. While I criticize from this supposed moral high ground, I myself doing little to change the world around me, and while I feel I am generally informed I do not take in the suggestions or thoughts of others, but fully expect them to take my opinions into consideration.
Most important is what I realized about discussions. I do not do discussions, I do arguments. I do not want some softball "gathering" of idea's I want to spike my opinion's in to your face and get you to say uncle. I feel it brings out the best in me. It forces me to think on my feet and pool my information resources. But while I feel these arguments pull out the best in me, it also pulls out the worst.
I feel I am not that competitive. If I were to play basketball, volleyball or some board game and I were to lose I would not feel so bad. In fact I may not put much effort into the game at all. For me there is no reason to be competitive in those situations, they are things I am not good at and even putting in effort I am in no way guaranteed a win, so I feel killing myself and getting angry is just pointless.
But, when it comes to arguments I cannot simply roll over and die. I will fight bitter tooth and nail, and not give up. This stubbornness is horrible as arguments are about two people have differing opinions and each wishing to change the others minds using rational reasoning, facts and evidence. But when both people are so stubborn and fully believing they are right, they will not listen to reason, evidence or even to what the other is saying. I am not the only one who does this and thus felt justified in doing so, but when both people refuse to budge, no one moves forward.
Also when these things happen, and I feel the person is not budging no matter how much I push I cannot help but get angry. I also need to control my anger, whenever I am irritated tiny things push me over the edge, and no where is this more true than in the car. Yet, I need to drive so much, I cannot just spend all my time in this state of irritation. It is irrational and I hate that perhaps most of all.
Still calming myself down will not be easy. I in a way believe old dogs cannot learn new tricks, and even if they do it takes them a hell of a long time. But if I don't start now I wonder if I will ever change. Still trying to stop the rush of adrenaline and hormones that accompany anger may be a losing proposition, I suppose I'll just have to come up with ways to deal with them.
This year I really want to improve myself, not just superficially, like learning to play the guitar or learning more Kanji but trying to become a better person. The type of person I feel I could always become but always felt that it would be too much work to do so.
Once again, returning from a trip abroad all I can say is I love Japan, and I love Fukuoka.
So before signing off I'd like to thank Yamato for bringing me to a lot of these conclusions. When you think about things yourself without someone around you, it is easy to reason away your flaws, or perhaps when you have no one to compare yourself to you can delude yourself to believe that it is normal and ok. But when another person is there pointing them out, it is hard to ignore. Hope you didn't go too crazy spending so much time with me for two doom weeks.
Well there goes another long rambly post, if your still with me, I hope you too can have a wonderful new year. It's my last in Japan, and I hope to make the best of it.
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