RANT!!!

So I've been pretty M.I.A. for awhile, and there is a reason, I've had no internet at school. And it sounds horrible but in my downtime I seriously bum around on the internet....a lot. Not to say that I have nothing to do, I am in charge with checking all 360 students English folders and access their participation, its basically either a yes or no thing, but man is that hard to access. Also I have had all these surprise lessons, and such so all the more lesson plans to make. But even with that, my days have been rather dull. I often zoom through whatever they give me and then proceed to bum around reading things. I've read almost every Time and Newsweek magazine I have front to back. Even the letters to the magazine, but that usually because I have to wait till after school to help students on various things. So I often just wait to do or get work, which I know is coming and thus somehow feel obliged to wait till 5:15 (an hour overtime that I volunteer)

This isn't to say that I do not have things I want to rant on, which is why I'm blogging. So I finally fix my internet, about 2 weeks after it blinked off. I had told my supervisor about it maybe a day of two after it happened. About a week later nothing had been done, so finally I decided to ask the computer guy myself. To which I find hes a bit of a goober, he basically did everything I initially did (check the cables, check my isp, check my hardware, etc) and then he goes well I'm stumped. As a note I did this all in Japanese, with some confusion but then over all muddled through it. Eventually I managed to fix it myself, it was the LAN cable in the end, even though our tech guy "checked" it and assured me it was fine... (uh-huh)

The other thing that really has been miffing me is the ineptitude of my Sup. Most ALT's usually have to run everything through their supervisor first and that person is their direct superior. They are also the person who is supposed to take care of us, as some of us have minimal Japanese ability and understanding of the culture. Mine has taken a decidedly hands off approach. I knew I was in trouble when mine was assigned to me earlier in the year, as he was the only JTE who would actively ignore me (as when I said OHAYO GOZAIMASU in the morning he'd just look away and kinda run)

So in the beginning things like meetings, sudden changes in schedules would be a "SUPRISE Kristen" type thing as my Sup would fail to inform me of its happenings. It was really bad when he neglected to tell me that I would have to come to school on a Saturday and teach classes, thankfully this was a month into his tenor, so I had come to realize I really need to struggle and try to read as much as I can on my ALL JAPANESES schedule, and I myself came to realize that I had to come in on Saturday.

I eventually came and told him please tell me what is going on, I'm not Japanese I can't read 80% of everything that is written down on my schedule, or on the board. As the first time I asked him about what was happening he assured me that everything is written on the board and to just read it. (Another slight problem MANY teachers think I'm a second Generation Japanese person thus FLUENT in the language, damn it I have six years of Japanese 4 of which were High school, seriously I should be as bad as my students are at English)

So it got a little better, occasionally he'd tell me that something was going on, though periodically I'd be in the teachers room only to look up from whatever I was doing and realize...no one is there.

Another irritant was the fact that he seemed to have no clue what he was doing. Like when I had to go to a meeting, I have to fill out of form informing the school that I would be gone for a certain amount of time. Though I knew how to do this, and had been doing it myself for almost a year he insisted he help me. When I initially gave him what I wrote he INSISTED I type it up on the computer. Then he had an insane time attempting to resize said document on the computer, half an hour later I was still sitting there staring at him fiddling with this document. By now it had been over half an hour since the end of work, so I finally said don't worry I'll do it! Bad idea, since I actually can't read everything that's on the form. So then I spend half an hour trying to figure out how to type in all these words. In the end I finally print it out and he said its good, but when I give it to the Vice-Principle he said "Oh, you don't need this, it's too early for this" So all that work was for nothing, and I leave work something like an hour half late. After this I just stopped giving him that paper and just gave it directly to the vice principal.

So minor things that I eventually go around or over, but in the last week some HUGE things have happened. So at the beginning of Summer when my classes have ended, there was going to be a seminar for JTE's. There was a certain number of JET's needed for this seminar, but it was completely volunteer. I was jazzed at the idea of getting out and talking to other JTE's and learning more about how school's work, as I'm still clueless on a lot of things and simply wanted to learn more. So, I immediately filled out the form and then asked my supervisor if it would be OK to go, we checked my schedule and he thought about it and thought that there should be no problem. So I told him to please fax the paper.

A week later I get an e-mail, informing me that the seminar filled up unexpectedly early as the response from the JET's this year was overwhelming, those who had already sent the paper was fine and were in. I was slightly worried at this point as I had gotten no confirmation mail. I was then really worried when I noticed that my Sup was only NOW sending my application for Japanese courses, when I gave him the form over 3 weeks ago.

So I was initially going to ask the person who was collecting our applications, but since I had no internet I decided to just ask my Sup. Then the bomb dropped, he at first thought I was talking about my Japanese courses, to which I had to slowly explain it was something else, something I gave him only a week previous. I asked if he had even the vaguest recollection of this conversation (of course in MUCH simpler terms), and he said he had no idea. So I slowly explained what the paper looked like, and what it was about.

He really looked clueless at this point, so I gave him the other papers and he slowly, slowly looked through them. So he then starts shuffling through his files and insists after a thorough search that he doesn't have it. I KNOW I gave it to him, so I start trying to jog his memory as I remember what happened when I gave him the paper. He then kinda remembers our talk about possible scheduling conflicts, to which he looks underneath his schedule on the top of his desk, lo and behold it was there.

He had not sent it, he had not even read through it. So even though the number was there and the fax number and even the dead line he was content to let it be forgotten under a piece of paper. I then tell him to forget about it because the deadline had passed. But on the paper it says the deadline is the 29th. So I tell him I got an email saying it had closed early, its full. But he keeps on insisting the deadline is the 29th. So 10 minutes later I tell him to please just forget it, it's really too late. An hour of pure fail and pain.

So I'm really miffed at this. I actually wanted to go to this, quite a bit in fact. So even though we are theoretically supposed to send a lot of these forms through our supervisor, I seriously do not want to. This is just another reason to get better at Japanese, especially work place Japanese and work place Kanji. It's irritating because a lot of those words are rather esoteric, thing I won't really need outside of this setting of teaching English, and things that are not easily used or comprehended. And not only that, the job of a Sup is to help me get through all this stuff, instead hes the exact opposite he actually hinders me! And I'm not even sure if I can even send a lot of these papers myself as it actually says on many of them "Give this to your supervisor"

Also combined with the fact that teachers have been asking me to do even more bull shit things is starting to bug me. Instead of just teaching classes, more and more I'm asked to grade things and make tests and give tests, and I'm wondering if it's just because teachers themselves don't want to do it. I'm starting to think they are treating me like the part time teachers. In a way I should work hard, I do get paid for it, and it's good practice for the real world and all that stuff. But, when I look at other JET's, and I look at my contract I wonder.

I KNOW the Japanese teachers work harder than me, and the reason they dump this stuff on me is because they are busy. But lately I certainly leave later than quite a few other English teachers, and I am not a teacher. I do not get paid as well as them, I do not get as many vacation days as them, AND I'm not Japanese! This is against my culture to work this much over time and not get paid, and to do things that are not written in my contract, yet are requested of me. ALSO, fine its good practice for my Japanese I realize this, I SHOULD be trying harder at my Japanese but damn it JUST USE ENGLISH! I don't always understand what the teachers tell me, and yet they almost always break down and use Japanese with me.

I sometimes really believe a lot of ALT's are just bitches. If it was the real world we would not complain about the things we do, or perhaps we would but really would we complain about these things in the "real world". I wonder if I am just bitching about something that I'm just going to have to deal with the rest of my life and that just because I've never worked a real full time job I just don't realize that this is how it's like.

Perhaps that is true, but really is this what I signed up for? I hate to say it, but I wanted a job that I could have fun at, I wanted a good experience of Japan, all I seem to be experiencing now is how shitty it is to be a teacher in Japan. Also I think a lot of this work would be easier if I was fluent in not only Japanese language but in Japanese culture. (I think I've offended some teachers, but I'm unsure if I did, or even how I did...)

Last year I actually felt bad for people like Yamato who had WAY more work than me. Granted I definitely did not have the lightest load of all JET's, far from it I actually taught quite a few more classes than most other high school JET's. So I actually asked teacher's to give me more work, and it's nice to know they trust me and I'd feel like a heel if I suddenly went, "Oh sorry work really does suck, I don't want to do it." But damn it, I really just am hating this. Even with all this complaining and extra "work", here I am sitting down and blogging. Can I really bitch....man I'm unsure what this rant was all about and I'm just as conflicted as before. If you reader have somehow managed to read through this gobbly gook, then please tell me what you think. I am really at a lost.

Wow

So its been awhile. A lot has happened in this month that I have been inactive. I went to Kobe on a re-contracting trip, basically I am paid to dick around and listen to really boring pretty useless lectures. (But there were a few gems that I felt were totally worth it) I've had some of the worst classes I have ever had as a teacher. Including a 2 hour death lesson where the teacher surprised me by completely leaving the class up to me for the two hours and sat down with the students taking notes. I had an hour lesson plan assuming she would teach them for an hour, but NO! Just two hours of me dying the kids hating the lesson and etc.

Also me and my first years have not been meshing. I've been trying to be more serious and actually teach them "complicated" things. To which other ALT's insist are things they should have learned in middle school, but of course my students just land up staring at me with blank faces, while I strugle vainly with hand motions. The kids completely don't understand and I get frustrated. And eventually break down and tell the teacher to translate. (Something I LOATHED to do, but recently found that was not only the only way to get them to participate but also because I was too tired to make the effort) But today things came to ahead.

I've been feeling akward in class lately and today I realized why. The kids are unnervingly quiet in class and thats strange for me. They are either dead quiet when I'm talking which makes me FIGHT to bring the energy up, which merely confuses them. And when they get loud I get angry because they are normally getting loud about unrelated to class things (because they don't understand the lesson at all). Or the entire class is dead silent for the entire hour and by the end of the day I feel completely wiped out trying my best to keep them amused enough to stay awake. But actually I've been telling them from the beginning to be quiet and just listen, so it was like some sort paradigm.

So, today my first class was REALLY loud and active. But I didn't mind at all. They were participating and talking and some kids were not understanding, and to be honest I made a few mistakes but the class had a rhythm and I enjoyed it, the kids seemed to as well. I actually do not mind when the kids are kinda loud and every so often I have to tell them " BE QUIET" But at least they were talking about the lesson and smiling.

I was trying to be more strict with my students ala Matt, then I tried to make more lessons more structured like Yamato's. (Take a subject and teach it to the class while they sit there periodically coming to the board, which may not be her teaching stye just what she did that instance I went) I was going out away from the style I had built up last year because I did not feel it was best for my students.

But you can only fight yourself for so long. Today I enjoyed the lessons (well more like compared to the other HORROR ones I've been having lately) and I should have another good class (knock on wood) its a class similar to the previous one. While this will not mean that my classes will go from now on, I won't try to force someone else's idea of what a good lesson is on to myself. While maybe its not the best formula to teaching these kids, trying to reach some impossible idea is just wearing me out. And its making me frazzled all the time, I've been very emotional and I am a person who DOES NOT LIKE BEING EMOTIONAL. So, I'm going to go with this slightly chaotic class format, with us jumping to various activities and some kids getting a little confused. But its alot better than Kristen getting angry, the students being really confused and scared, and maybe the JTE's will be struggling to keep up, at least they won't have a Kristen DREADING classes and fearing school.

On another not my parents are coming soon, I am somewhat fearful.... Also while I have come upon this revelation I am still unsure what to teach the students...hopefully thing will fall into place soon enough. I think I may teach them about travel, it should tie in nicely with my next semesters project (knock on wood AGAIN) With this I think I do have the energy to continue with English club. I feel suddenly energized, even more so than when I came back from Kobe. (Where I was energized but still unsure of myself) I can do this......I CAN!

Also I have finally finished oral testing! I have lunches and after schools back! YAY~! (I've been not eating lunch and staying to school to 5:30-6:30 every day, basically at least an hour over time to over 2 hours overtime everyday.)

I also may write more, as days I felt like writing just depressed me too much, I felt insecure and just primed for a BITCH-fest if I had to write. So now hopefully things will go well, but of course there is never a guarantee, so expect bitching! Such is the lot of an ALT.