BAH!

Damn I lose my entire post! But then I shall attempt to continue... I had my 2 hours class today and its a mixed bag of really good students and really horrible students. I made a plan that I thought would be fun and educational. Instead it broke down into horror, and then I made the teacher severely offended.

It was the difference between American and Japanese Schools, and I thought to tell them that there are many things they dislike but they have their good points as well. Of course my power point again did not work, thus rendering half my lesson unteachable. Also it made me kinda frazzled and off kilter, in my rush I didn't remember everything.

By the end, half the class could only see the good of American Schools and none of the bad. And they were all just like hating Japanese Schools. Of course I eventually got them to see how some things were really awful. Like how low our graduation rates are, and how students are expected to be independent, and how parents will even make their children pay their own tuition.

But some kids were just terrible and ignoring what I say. Some now have this idea that, Kristen is American, and she won't scream and hit us (I won't actually..) but then it also makes them think they can talk whenever they want to, and do what they want.

I did not really break down to American style horror (which, when I really think about was pretty bad) But I mean its HORROR compared to any Japanese teacher's experience. I man one girl threw a pencil case to her friend ::gasp:: I making it sound like a joke, but really its kinda shocking even to me.

So she was exasperated over the entire things, and I had a talk with her after class that was some what heated on her side. She basically felt I was spitting on the Japanese School system, and making it seem like American school's were the greatest (the exact opposite message) So BAH! I feel really inept, and unsure of my self. I made this lesson thinking it be great for the kids, but in the end it was horrible failure.

Its like my doctor lesson, which I'd thought be raucous fun but in the end it left a student in tears. I'm just not sure how to teach this 2 hour class, and since I have this appearance of experience and knowledge (I make my lesson plans within the day its requested, I have all the print-outs and ideas done by at least the next day, and give teachers are fairly detailed plan of what I want to do) Of course thats not really the case, and I think teachers feel not only out of the loop but they feel so out of it, they just assume I want to assume control. While thats kinda what I've been feeling lately, I really do appreciate their input. I'm just a kid with out teaching experience except what I've garnered from here.

I'm unsure how I'll teach with this teacher from now on, but ARGH! I really just need to think about it more. I get a great idea and it flashes and I run with it, but I really need to second guess myself. Because man I've recently had a lot of bad classes...

I just can't wait for Vacation...and this funk is happening at the worst time. I have my first English club lesson today! Man, I think I am pushing myself too far, I am worrying about First year lessons, Second year lessons, and since I've been going to 2 distinctly different 3rd year lessons, I am making 4 plans. And I am really frazzling out, especially with the start up of my English club, the advertisements, the egg coloring, the candies, everything. I'm really kinda tired.....

Thinking about it, I thought "man I just sit here SOOO MUCH! I can do WAY MORE!" But I think a lot of teachers have down time, I mean they only teach about 15-17 lessons, which is less than I will teach on busy weeks (I will have to teach about 19 classes....maybe more if they really cram in those Second year lessons) And while they do have a lot of grading, that is in a lot of ways just busy work. The lessons planning which I thought was SOOO EASY before it really burning me out. Though I usually bosh them out, it takes alot to perfect them, and usually the first class of any lesson doesn't go that well. Since my oral class is just once a week, I guess I can't see if as completely failures...but really I am just going INSANE. I am just burning out! UGH!

On another note I made my first morning announcement today ^_^ While it makes me feel like more of a teacher, there are so many ways for me to get better......